is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
