just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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