I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
