Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
