You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
