And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
