Please, let me fuck your mom
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
