I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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