Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
