i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
