I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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