Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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