Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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