Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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