the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
