i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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