Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
