It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
