if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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