the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
