I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
