I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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