just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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