Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
