I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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