let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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