hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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