I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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