If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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