I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
