I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
