its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
