you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
