Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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