I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
