I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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