Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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