I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
