you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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