she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
