I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
