Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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