so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
