Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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