You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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