I'm eating all of the evidence.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
