hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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