I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
