When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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