i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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