Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
